I have vacillated back and forth on what to share about what it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist. I have shared a lot on my relational experiences (on my website) that encompass what it was like for me to be in such a relationship. It down right blows to be in this type of relationship. It’s dark, lonely, anxiety ridden, unsafe, confusing, painful and sometimes physically painful. It’s difficult to confide in friends or family because just like you, they may not possess the tools to hold space and bear witness to what you are going through. It isn’t easy to “just leave.” It’s quite complicated and that’s without adding in financial components, housing, children or other enmeshments.
If any of what I have been sharing, resonates, I highly recommend finding a therapist or psychotherapist, who specializes or understands NPD, to speak with. I wish I would’ve had these tools and knowledge to have a better direction to go then just through it, over and over again.
So today obviously is a post about Codependency and Empathy. Yay!!!
Personally, it took me a long time to understand what codependency meant, how I interacted with it, and how it affected my thinking/feelings, and thus my actions. I unknowingly enmeshed codependency and empathy with love and caring. This entanglement often kept me repeating suffering patterns and wondering what the hell I was missing? All I was doing was “loving.”
In the past, I would enact the famous, “They had a really rough childhood” or whatever other fill in the blank. Which served to justify the behavior or treatment I was receiving from them. In turn, it stunted their growth because it avoided them from being responsible or accountable for their actions. It kept me from being responsible or accountable for allowing the behavior. All for love, am I right? Spoiler alert, it never worked out.
Possessing empathy is never a fault. (Quite frankly, I think it is needed now more than ever because we stank of division.) Only when we choose to sacrifice ourselves for it, and that is usually where codependency eeks in. BALANCE!!
It’s something I still work with today but to a much lesser degree. Codependency and empathy are a very interesting duo that can make things very confusing if we are unaware of our behavior. The combo can leave us as doormats for other people’s behavior, and then we victimize ourselves when we are actually full-on participating.
Identifying my behaviors is helpful to me, so I know how to move with them, so I hope this sheds some light for you.