Category: empathy

Adulthood, codependency, Collection Conciousness, Coming of Age, compassion, empathy, Human Behavior, identity, love, Narcissism, personality disorder, psychology, Relationships, self growth, self healer

Narcissism

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Low key flexing my killer PowerPoint skills. 

This week and next, I’ll be diving into narcissism! Ironic, eh?
I feel pulled to discuss this right now for multiple reasons, both personal and otherwise.

I won’t be sharing a book on Thursday; instead, I’ll be doing another post continuing the examination of narcissism. In this particular post, I have pulled information directly from the DSM-5. I intentionally did this because I am not a psychologist and because science overrides my general knowledge on the topic. It’s essential to believe and pull from science. Am I right?

Y’all know I am a big fan of trying to understand human behavior. I believe that understanding and being able to identify these characteristics is massively important. It helps us navigate our social relationships and has the potential to decrease our suffering.

I have suffered because I did not understand this personality disorder. I had STRONG beliefs that I could influence this personality type to, in my personal experience, be more empathetic and loving. Of course, that belief stems from my own issues, which I will dive into – shit, that’s all I ever dive into.

For those who can identify these traits within their intimate relationship partner, I will be posting resources on October 1st (you can also DM me, and I can get them for you). The most significant misunderstanding about being in a narcissistic relationship is, if the abuse of narcissism were physically visible, it would be one of the most devastating depictions of a physical assault.

So here we go, narcissism. 

All love.
Ashley

Books, Coming of Age, empathy, Humor, love, self growth

Book Post: “Almost Everything: Notes on Hope” – Anne Lamott

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Book Post: “Almost Everything: Notes on Hope” – Anne Lamott

Hey!

Today the book I am sharing is Anne Lamott’s “Almost Everything: Notes on Hope”

I randomly picked this book while at the library with my kid; it seems the library is the extent of our fun outgoings these days.  

I read it in a day. Humblebrag and it’s an “easy read.” 

I found her writing inspiring as a writer because I understood her voice. Not to toot my horn AT ALL, but I saw my writing in hers. Her style. What she was expressing and what she had been through. I wrote down some quotes from the book that I found inspiring, but this book is so much different from all the spiritual books and psychological books because this is someone’s story – which, Hi, Hello – I love. There is so much we can learn from one another because nothing is unique. 

My favorite bits, “Life damages people. There is no way around it.” 

Or “…nothing has given me so many gifts of growth, expansion, and knowing myself, which is not always lovely, but it’s why I am here.” 

And my ABSOLUTE favorite, “And everything that happens to you belongs to you. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.” I swear I have said this before in one of my own essays. Lord knows – I have received so much shit for how I have written about people who were shitty to me (insert Sweet Creatures plug – link in bio).

As a writer myself, I don’t have it all figured out. Shit, I still fall for shit that I think I’ve dealt with or healed from. But I believe in the power, the importance, of sharing my/our experiences. Not because I am fucking unique or want to be popular or liked or make money, quite the contrary. 

Sharing my story has helped me heal. It’s given me the clarity to see the situation for what it is, not what I want it to be. I know if someone who reads what I write can find a pearl of wisdom or even just identify with something I say, it may be enough to help them move through what they are going through, which is also why I share these books. Their stories have helped provide clarity, a pearl of wisdom, in my healing journey.

Solidarity is another, awesome, aspect of reading other people’s stories, like this book. You see that we aren’t so different. That we have commonality with someone we don’t even know. Commonality that bridges a gap of gender, skin color, religion etc. Through solidarity and commonality we expand our empathy and hey, that’s kinda the best thing, right?

So share! Whether it’s through creating or talking or serving. Share to connect. Read other people’s stories. And maybe you’ll just find that pearl of wisdom. 

Comment, like and share and all that good stuff. 

All love. 

Ashley

codependency, Coming of Age, empathy, Humor, love, Relationships, self growth

Codependency and Empathy

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So today obviously is a post about Codependency and Empathy. Yay!!! 

Personally, it took me a long time to understand what codependency meant, how I interacted with it, and how it affected my thinking/feelings, and thus my actions. I unknowingly enmeshed codependency and empathy with love and caring. This entanglement often kept me repeating suffering patterns and wondering what the hell I was missing? All I was doing was “loving.” 

In the past, I would enact the famous, “They had a really rough childhood” or whatever other fill in the blank. Which served to justify the behavior or treatment I was receiving from them. In turn, it stunted their growth because it avoided them from being responsible or accountable for their actions. It kept me from being responsible or accountable for allowing the behavior. All for love, am I right? Spoiler alert, it never worked out. 

 Possessing empathy is never a fault. (Quite frankly, I think it is needed now more than ever because we stank of division.) Only when we choose to sacrifice ourselves for it, and that is usually where codependency eeks in. BALANCE!!

It’s something I still work with today but to a much lesser degree. Codependency and empathy are a very interesting duo that can make things very confusing if we are unaware of our behavior. The combo can leave us as doormats for other people’s behavior, and then we victimize ourselves when we are actually full-on participating. 

Identifying my behaviors is helpful to me, so I know how to move with them, so I hope this sheds some light for you. 

All love. 
Ashley